Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Another baby

I haven't been very good at writing in my blog, but I really want to remember my feelings and what is going on in life right now.

We bought a house, Matt passed the bar exam and started officially working as an attorney.  I guess we have officially "grown up."

At the beginning of the summer, after about 10 months of trying to get pregnant again, I was having a really hard time thinking I may not be able to get pregnant again.  (It wasn't easy with my first 2 either)  I decided I needed to not stress about it and try and find peace with my circumstance.  I said a prayer, and promised that if I studied my scriptures every day of the entire summer, that I would get pregnant.  Well, a couple of months into it, I was not pregnant.  I prayed again and realized I was praying for the wrong thing, I decided to pray that I would be content and feel peace with whatever happened.  A few weeks later, almost towards the end of the summer, I found out once again that I was not pregnant.  The difference this time was that I really did feel at peace.  I wasn't stressed about it and decided maybe I was supposed to do something different at that point in my life, and enjoy the sweet kids that I do have. I started teaching spinning for ISU, babysitting a few kids, we bought our house, moved into our new ward and I got put in to work with the Young Women.  Life was good.  I felt like I could be okay if I wasn't able to get pregnant again, although I was still trying and hoping.
  The next month, 4 months after my first prayer, I found out I was pregnant.  I don't think anyone will completely understand (well, yes, I am sure there are people who have felt this)  what I felt when I found out I was pregnant.  I walked out to Matt, who didn't believe me at first, and just cried in his arms.  Tears of joy.  I am So grateful I am going to be blessed with another baby.  Some may say it was only a little over a year of trying, but month in month out it is not easy to have those feelings of serious disappointment.

This has not been the easiest pregnancy, I am 17.5 weeks and still really sick.  It is getting better but it's not going away.  I have definitely had ungrateful moments when I can't sleep or feel so sick I can't do anything, but I am trying.

It is such a wonderful privilege to be a mother and it is my favorite thing in the world to be.  My kids bring my husband and I all of our joy in our life.

Life is great!

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